We are getting ready for our 25th high school reunion (How on earth can I be old enough for such a thing!?) and Robert is making the nametags. He is putting all of the married females’ maiden names on the tags. After 22 years as Pam Adkinson, I am now used to being Pam Terrell in my daily life and Pamela A. Terrell professionally. I do have my maiden name on my Facebook just so people from the past can find me, although most people from my past knows Robert because they went to school with him too. So seeing my name on the nametag made me think about names and their impact.

When people call me by the wrong name, they usually call me Amy. I guess I must look more like an Amy because several people have accidentally called me that. There was one girl in college who always called me Amy. I corrected her a few times, but then it got to the point of ridiculous. I remember at one event we both had on nametags, mine obviously said PAM, and she still called me Amy. As for my liking my name, when I was younger I didn’t. I didn’t hate my name either. I just had no great affection for it. If I could pick my own name, I have always like Charlotte. However, since I have been called Pam for 40-something years, it is now me. It is part of me and I can’t imagine having a different name. I do have certain people in my life who call me Pamela. You have to be very close to me for me to allow that. My husband calls me that, as well as a few close friends from high school and college. It’s a funny thing, but I think that it is difficult to call those I am emotionally close to by their given name. I don’t know if their name seems too “common” or public, but mostly people that I am close to I call by some nickname. My sister Tammi is called Tammilika Rashonda Diane and my brother Jim is either Jimbalaya or Jimmikins. I call my husband Robert, Bob (and he HATES for anyone else to call him that), Robertoulos, Roberto, or Babes. My son Adam is Adman, Ad, or Adam-Rattum and Noah is Balboa, No-No, or Noahnator. You know I like you when I make up a nickname for you.

As for my maiden name, I have a love/hate relationship with having a last name that started with an “A.” I was always first unless there was an Adams in the class…and there usually wasn’t. When teachers made us sit in alphabetical order in high school I always had the first desk in the first row. I was often first called on and I was first to walk across the stage at graduation. I always vowed that I would never fall in love and marry anyone whose last name didn’t at least start with an “M.” Fortunately I wound up with a “T.” Generally this has served me well. At faculty meetings the “secretary” who takes the minutes is assigned alphabetically down the list. We rarely make it to T, so I have only had to write the minutes twice in my four years. Score! However, no one ever mispronounced my maiden name…they just misspelled it–usually Atkinson instead of Adkinson. Now no one can spell or say my last name. If I say my name over the phone the person on the other end usually thinks it is Sam Carroll. If someone reads my last name, they pronounce it terr-ELL instead of TERR-ell. I have a sign on my office door explaining that my last name rhymes with Ferrell, as in Will Ferrell, with a picture of him.

I am all for a woman taking her husband’s name when she marries. I think that’s kind of a neat thing actually. However, what I don’t like is that the maiden name is then “lost.” I love that in most Spanish-speaking countries the mother’s maiden name is retained after she marries. Most children have four names instead of three, with two surnames–one from the mother and one from the father. Since my father is the only living child from his family, the Adkinson name dies with my sister and me. My brother is the only one who can keep it going. That’s kind of sad to me. If I had a flexible last name, like Tucker or Graham, for example, that could also be used as a first name or middle name, that is one way to keep the maiden name alive. Otherwise, it is lost with female children. Of course, I could hyphenate, but I really hate that. I confess, that as much as I don’t want to, I form an immediate judgment on hyphenated women and it’s not a positive one. I don’t know why, but it really chaps my hide…and I’m a feminist. Go figure. I did resent the ENTIRE DAY that it took for me to change my name after I married though…banking accounts, social security card, driver’s license, school records, etc. What a pain in the butt!

So, there are my various ramblings on names and I’m signing off as Pamela August (which is one of my husband’s names for me, chosen because my mom sometimes calls me Pamela June).